Bleeding Love

The rampant onslaught of horror remakes sucks. Balls. I've made no qualms about this feeling.

Doesn't mean that I'll ever stop shitting out hard-earned money to be anally-raped by the Hollywood studios responsible for churning out these imagination-free cash cows. Does that make me a submissive? No apple-in-the-mouth-latched-on-to-a-leather-strap, of course.

My Bloody Valentine wasn't a particularly good film. In fact, it was pretty much shit. But entertaining, cold-hearted, only-a-gorehound-could-love-this caca. Which means, I enjoy it, and have it tucked in snuggly within my DVD collection. What can I say? I got it for like $5 on half.com, and that's cyber-highway robbery, gladly perpretrated by yours truly's wallet.

The film is basically about some dude who dies in a mining accident, on Valentine's Day, and years later returns to the town (is it his ghost? or some sicko posing as the undearly departed? does it really make any difference anyway? no.) to pick off teen after teen after annoying, poorly-written adult character. Red stuff and horrible dailogue ensues. My smile stays firmly fastened on face in the process. The end.

And yes, as you've most likely figured out by now, the flick has been remade, in 3-D!!! That's right, the filmmakers have followed in the immaculate footsteps of such gems as Friday the 13th Part III and Jaws-3D. Boy, oh boy, I hope they give out those nifty glasses when I see My Bloody Valentine 3D!!! Kinda like the ones I was duped into using when watching that Nas video for "Nastradamus." Haha, Nas made a 3D video. Lame ass.

Any hoot, here's the actual point of this post....the newly-released poster for My Bloody Valentine 3D, which comes out this January (why not release it on Friday the 13th, you may ask? Simple---the Friday the 13th remake comes out on the candy-and-flower Hallmark holiday, and it seems the Bloody Valentine team tucked their peens between their legs and retreated to the cinematic wasteland that is the January schedule. Chumps). But at least the Bloody Valentine poster kicks some ass, in my pupils, at least. I think its surprisingly badass. Will its accompanying movie be the same? Not holding my breath.......


[worth mentioning, just to show lame the MPAA ratings and yay/nay board is: this poster was first shown online months back, only difference between that one and this was that the heart-shaped blood smear was bright glowing red, not the darkened black it is here.....how pussyfooted is that of the MPAA? I mean, seriously]

I do hate Valentine's Day with a fiery passion.....perhaps that's why the original film has always held a special place in my "heart."