The shakiest homemade sex tape imaginable

Could there be a better job in the world than naming Skinemax spoofs? I highly doubt so. It takes a higher plain of genius to come up with gold medals such as The Bare Wench Project, or Spiderbabe. And don't even get me started on the masters who construct the accompanying screenplays. You can just color me red with envy and go on your merry way.

The latest genre knockoff courtesy of Cinemax's late night programming lords is Cleavagefield, a film so cleverly titled that I'm mad I didn't think of it before. I'm assuming, like the great Cloverfield, it's shot cinema verite style and stars pretty young people with mediocre to above-average acting skills but unafraid of excessive nudity and unnecessary sex. It premieres after hours the evening of April 1, on Cinemax.



Now, I hardly expected the monster itself to even hold the enormous jock strap of my dude Clover (I like to call the creature that), but this Cleavagefield image is a huge disappointment. Seriously....your movie is called Cleavagefield, people! How in the hell does this monster not have ginormous breasts?! Admit it, you were expecting the same thing. How could you not?

Wait for it.......

.........

.........



Is that the bastard child after-product of sex between a duck and a turtle? My three-year-old niece plays with animal toys that look better than this ish. Like it really matters, though, of course. Still, we're talking total "missed opportunity" here.

I won't even be able to enjoy the film now, thanks to this half-assed creature. Lies and fairy tales.

Monster image first seen over at: Dread Central

Here's the trailer:


Cleavagefield (trailer) - The best bloopers are a click away