Last House on the Left side of optimism

via, Bloody-Disgusting: Last House remake's first official stills doing little to ease my anxiety....

"Another classic horror flick is being remade....".....It's starting to sound like a broken record, but not some old Kool G Rap vinyl on unintended loop; but rather, some Michael Bolton shit, jumping back and forth, back and forth, causing ears to bleed and hope in mankind's creativity and artistic know-how to disintegrate, chip and flake at a time.

Last House on the Left is one of those films that I love despite its faults, at the cost of feeling a bit sleazy for it. [It's horror legend Wes Craven's first film, for those who don't know.] A great deal of it is laughable now, especially the whole "two goofy cops on the prowl" subplot. And it's not particularly scary. The only section of it that still generates some genuine disgust and eyes-peeled hypnosis, in fact, is the infamous "double rape and murder in the woods." Just tasteless, and executed with such a real-time sincerity that it's more snuff than style. But it's a product of its unsure, numbed-to-violence-thanks-to-Vietnam time (which I learned from the wonderful documentary An American Nightmare). And the acting convinces overall, the music cues are all disorienting and invigorating, and the repercussions this two-girl-slaughter causes, at the hands of one's vengeful parents, are great fun to watch for any horror head. Try not clutching your crotch as a result, men.



Having re-watched it recently, the first thing I thought was, "How in the hell will this movie be remade and even retain a fifth of the brutality and zero-compromise I've just seen?" Because if there's anything that Hollywood is surgical at, it's snipping the balls of off hardcore terror flicks in a sort of cinematic sex change operation. The final gender-flipped products being PG-13 fluff, or R-rated gloss.

Some of my trusty horror writers and bloggers have seen a very-rough cut of Last House on the Left's redo, and they've all responded surprisingly, positive and pleasantly satisfied, though not without some complaints, still. I trust these dudes, so I'm hoping for the best. But I can't totally shake the feeling of impending-suck. Just have to wait 'til next April, when this remake hits.

And that second still, found in the link above, seems to be from the aforementioned "woods" portion....here's to hoping the exposed entrails remain intact.