Spontaneously Combusted Thoughts, from me to you

Have you ever wondered how it'd feel if you just smacked a bitch? Not in the derogatory sense, of course, but like....okay, here's a scenario. You're sitting on the train, it's a perfectly quiet and mundane commute. But there's this dude sitting next to you, and for no specific reason, you just turn to him, wait for his eye contact with you, and then snuff him with a clenched fist so clenched that his head rocks back into the window, shattering it as blood flies from his dismantled nose? No motive or logic on your end; you just simply wanted to see how it'd feel.

Of course, I've never done anything even remotely in the ballpark of this, but shit, I'd be joshin' you if I said I'd never thought it.

Here's another to grow on: you're in an elevator, and there's two other riders in it with you. One of whom is a girl (or guy, if you yourself are lady...I'm an equal opportunity daydreamer) who'll you be kicking yourself in the tuckus later for not approaching, being that he/she is finer than a loitering ticket. Again, for no logical or sane reason, other than the perversity of physical attraction, you plant a mouth-introduction so passionate that he/she continues the act, resulting in a steamy makeout session in front of the old man in the elevator's other corner. Or, he/she acts like the hypothetical me on a train and breaks your nose with sledgehammer precision.

It's wild. I'd say about four, five times a day, there's this subdued impulse screaming at me: 'Do it. Do it," like it's Ben Stiller in Starsky & Hutch. Odds are that I'll never answer the call of the wild subconscious, but imagine if I did? You'd see me on the evening news, sandwiched somewhere between an Obama piece and Yankees highlights for being arrested on a breaking-and-entering charge, for holding an Outback Steakhouse cook at knife-point, demanding he whip up a Drover's Platter for me, stat. I fucking love that dish, but I'll be damned if it's $17 asking price isn't statutory rape. I'll take you outback, alright....